Once she's done talking to hubby and princess (her most frequent calls) she sits down to enjoy a nice bag of chips. Who eats chips every single night before bed!? The girl who lives next to me and likes to chew with her mouth open, that's who. The only reprieve is that because she wakes up at 4:30 in the morning she goes to bed pretty early. So around 9 pm I get to listen to wonderful silence. Wait, just kidding! After that the snoring begins. The snoring isn't untolerable for the most part but around 10pm my neighbor that sleeps across the hall comes in and calls home, she has a nice normal inside voice so she doesn't bother me, but she too snores. So when I'm up especially late talking to Matt I hear a symphony of nasal passages. That's nothing compared to last night though...
Last night I was laying in bed at around 1:50am at that peaceful place where you're body is 90% asleep and your mind is drifting off slowly, when all of a sudden I hear the most awful noise, which I decided later was a terribly unnatural snore. Being mostly asleep the first thing that popped into my head to describe the sound was Gremlins and the second thing was The Grude (mostly because my neighbor is asian)! I went from seconds to sleep to wide awake and in no mood to go back to bed! Naturally when that sort of thing happens the first thing I do is text Matt and tell him. Well this time when I did, I didn't account for the fact that Matt is currently visiting my family in the PNW, so he shared my funny story.
Next thing I know, I'm trying to fall asleep and my phone vibrates. I rolled over to check what I assume to be a final message from Matt and I see these:
Did I ever mention that my sister is a terrible brat? Well she is!
Needless to say, after that sleepless experience I am very ready to shed this neighbor and get some insulated walls!
I always get the weirdest roommates when they are randomly assigned, I swear!
My first roommate experience was in college. Who ever thinks it's a good idea to share a dorm with a random stranger is out of their mind. My roommate Jen described herself as a normal college student that enjoyed hanging out with friends, listening to music and being outside. She failed to mention that by 'friends' she meant one incredibly weird and socially awkward guy named Oakley that would sit in our room and act offended when I told him to get out because I had to change. Seriously. By 'listening to music', she meant blaring japanese techno. At 2 am. And by 'being outside' she meant kidnapping baby turtles from the Turtle Pond on campus because she "thought they were going to drown"! I wish I was lying, or even exaggerating, but sadly I spent a year of my life avoiding my room because being there meant sleeping with ear plugs to drown out the music and living with the smell of dirty pond water because she hid a plastic bin under her bed where she would stow her stolen turtles.
Enough reminiscing about college and the good ol' days. I'll get back to why I'm counting down the days to move. The big number two is my blessing and my curse.
I have been wishing and hoping for the weather to change and for winter to come. Unfortunately I failed to think about the second and third order affects of sub 60 degree temperatures. Second order effects: uninsulated/temperature controlled rooms will get extremely cold. Rooms like oh, say, portapotties. Third order effects: going to the bathroom in the middle of the night will now require going out into the sub 60s and sitting my butt down in those extremely cold portapotties!
I can't get to the indoor plumbing soon enough.
Finally I am ready to get this move over with so that I can FaceTime and Skype with my family without having headphones in and whispering, while being restricted to the small globe of light that creeps out from my lamp when the overhead lights are off. Then the next time I pack up it will be to come home!
If you don't hear from me soon it's because
Needless to say, after that sleepless experience I am very ready to shed this neighbor and get some insulated walls!
I always get the weirdest roommates when they are randomly assigned, I swear!
My first roommate experience was in college. Who ever thinks it's a good idea to share a dorm with a random stranger is out of their mind. My roommate Jen described herself as a normal college student that enjoyed hanging out with friends, listening to music and being outside. She failed to mention that by 'friends' she meant one incredibly weird and socially awkward guy named Oakley that would sit in our room and act offended when I told him to get out because I had to change. Seriously. By 'listening to music', she meant blaring japanese techno. At 2 am. And by 'being outside' she meant kidnapping baby turtles from the Turtle Pond on campus because she "thought they were going to drown"! I wish I was lying, or even exaggerating, but sadly I spent a year of my life avoiding my room because being there meant sleeping with ear plugs to drown out the music and living with the smell of dirty pond water because she hid a plastic bin under her bed where she would stow her stolen turtles.
Enough reminiscing about college and the good ol' days. I'll get back to why I'm counting down the days to move. The big number two is my blessing and my curse.
I have been wishing and hoping for the weather to change and for winter to come. Unfortunately I failed to think about the second and third order affects of sub 60 degree temperatures. Second order effects: uninsulated/temperature controlled rooms will get extremely cold. Rooms like oh, say, portapotties. Third order effects: going to the bathroom in the middle of the night will now require going out into the sub 60s and sitting my butt down in those extremely cold portapotties!
I can't get to the indoor plumbing soon enough.
Finally I am ready to get this move over with so that I can FaceTime and Skype with my family without having headphones in and whispering, while being restricted to the small globe of light that creeps out from my lamp when the overhead lights are off. Then the next time I pack up it will be to come home!
If you don't hear from me soon it's because
a) my butt froze to a toilet seat
or
b) The Grudge got me. . .
2 comments:
Oh, I feel your pain. Muching, crunching chips sound and extreme snoring make me cringe and slow burn, in that order. Hope you get to move soon! In the mean time, spray the potty seat with Pam and stay out of the showers. Love and miss you!
It's rather unfortunate Pam has a daughter who chomps on chips and a husband who could wake the dead. :)
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